I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
