i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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