I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't deserve a penis
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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