im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
