it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Two words: nipple clamps
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