i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
