you would pick up someone in the library
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
