I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
