That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
