I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
