So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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