So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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