nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
