Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
