I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
