how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
be right there i have to get my cape
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize