Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
