I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize