i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I need water and some morals
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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