He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
where are my pants?
in the oven.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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