I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
