you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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