and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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