Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
