weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
