Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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