did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
