You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize