I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It was confusing and full of hummus
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
