You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize