D3 body, D1 cock
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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