I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize