So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
