I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
time to smoke my breakfast
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
