Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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