So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
