Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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