Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
