my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
We smell like vodka and hangover
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
