That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
