Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
