hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
