please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
