I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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