Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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