her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
