You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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