So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
