last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
