he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
