She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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