Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
