Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
