And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
