just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You had me at "let me see your balls"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
