my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
