i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
