One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
