YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Less talking, more tequila
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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