you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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