Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
