Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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