Your tits are I can't wait for
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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