somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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