I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
