WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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