we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
