Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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