This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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